Joke of the day

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An elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Afterwards she took the doctor aside and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive"? The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"
The lady frowned. "Doctor, he won't even take an aspirin when he has a headache" she claimed.
"Well," the doctor continued, "Let me suggest something - crush the Viagra into a powder then stir it into his coffee - he won't notice a thing."
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
"How did it go?" the doctor asked.
"Terrible, doctor, terrible."
"Did it not work?"
"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table - it was the best sex I'd had in 25 years."
"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"
"Well," she said. "I can never show my face in our local cafe ever again."  ;D :-[ :o

Brett H

Two lady golfers tee off one after the the other on the 10th hole. The first hits a modest 1 wood into the middle of the fairway. The second catches her ball fat off the side of the club and directly at two blokes coming up the 2nd hole. The ladies scream FOUR but alas the ball strikes one of the men in the middle and down he goes. The ladies rush over to see the poor bloke in the fetal position, hands in his groin area and writhing on the ground in apparent agony.  The first lady steps forward and proudly announces that she is a physical therapist and trained for such an event. The bloke on the ground consents to her giving him some relief so quickly and efficiently undoes said trousers, places her hands down the front of his trousers and gently massages.  After several minutes she asks the guy "does that feel any better?" He replies " lady, it feels great but I think my thumb is still broken!"

Koffee_Kosmo

Found this one on the WWW HEAVEN is where: The police are British The chefs Italian The mechanics are German The lovers are French and it's all organised by the Swiss HELL is where: The police are German The chefs are British The mechanics are French The lovers are Swiss and it's all organised by the Italians!! KK

Koffee_Kosmo

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his torch around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus is watching you.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his torch off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a while, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.' Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his torch beamed on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot. 'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that Jesus is watching you.' The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?' 'Moses,' replied the bird. 'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?' 'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D KK